Queen Maria makes a regal pass

 only one queen of Melbourne Park and she is Maria Sharapova. If everyone could just remember that fact, all would be well. Unfortunately, no one had briefed Julia Goerges on this matter before she took on Queen Shazza in the third round - and that made for a very tricky afternoon indeed for the regal one.
Goerges - known to those of a red-blooded persuasion as Gorgeous Goerges - spent the best part of two and half hours trying to out-Shazza Queen Shazza before Her Royal Highness pulled rank and reached the fourth round 4-6, 6-4, 6-4. But, oh my, was it close.
"Overall the most important thing is that I fought really well today and I found a way to play better," was the about the best Sharapova could say of her performance.
The match had not even started before the royal feathers were ruffled. As the two pin-ups warmed up, Sharapova noticed a small bump on the court near the net. What was that? The umpire, Kerrilyn Cramer, went over to have a closer look. She dropped a ball on the lumpy bit but instead of bouncing back, the ball stuck to the court surface like a limpet. This did not bode well - everybody back to the locker room while we try and sort this out.
It turns out that the recent heavy rain coupled with the warm sunny weather on Day Five had caused moisture to rise from under the court and, in the heat, the moisture had turned to "vapour". The "vapour" had nowhere else to go and so formed a bubble under the court surface. Cue several people with suits and walkie-talkies standing around, staring at the bubble, and looking perplexed. Eventually, a bloke with a drill arrived, made a hole in the lump to let the steam out and the show was back on the road. In the high pressure world of professional tennis, the moment should have provided a little light relief but, apparently, not.
"Maybe it was comical to you. Wasn't really comical to us," Sharapova said with not a hint of a smile. "We warmed up and had to sit and wait for a while. I was the first one to notice it because I went to the umpire for the coin toss and I noticed there was something under my left shoe. All of a sudden I looked down and there was a pretty big bubble there. I mentioned it to the umpire and she said she would make a call. I think you're making a bigger deal than it was. They took care of it pretty fast."
As for the Queen's form, one was definitely not amused (a total of 11 double faults didn't help much, either). Sharapova made too many errors in the first set, played a bit better in the second and then was in serious danger of throwing away a 4-0 lead in the third. And by the third set, Goerges was going for broke and really trying to play the No.14 seed at her own game. For every thumping winner that Sharapova hit, Goerges belted one on the next point. And every time she landed one, she turned and shook her fist in the air. Note to anyone intending to play Queen Shazza: do not shake your fist in her direction, not when she is armed with a racquet. She is one of the most competitive souls on the tour and it is never wise to get her angry.
"I wasn't really happy with the first set, especially being up a break," Sharapova said. "I played a really sloppy game on my serve, up 3‑2 in the first set. It's not really the right way: to break and then go out and have that type of game. I think I lost 40‑15. Just made too many errors.
"Then she gained all the confidence in the world, and I didn't play well at all throughout the first set, even though I was up a break. Most important thing is I fought for my chances."